Mom, I’m sorry I dissed your Jack Mackerel patties.

I’m almost 40 30<ahem> years old , and I just now realized that as a child, I was mean to my mom. Not intentionally. But nonetheless, I was.

Just like my kids are to me.  The little maggots. They aren’t nice sometimes, but they do not always realize it. My kid told me the other day that another kid seen a picture of me and said, “Oh, there’s a fat lady.”  I cried buckets later. And I was mad at my kid for telling me that. And she had NO idea that she shouldn’t say that….until I was crying buckets…and she felt really bad.

I used to pick at my mom. I would tell her that her that she talked “funny” when she said the word “temper “tour”  instead of “temperature.” Or that when she wore her hair up on top of her head braided in a bun style on both sides that it looked like she had  “cow patties” on her head. Sometimes I would say that I hated what she cooked for dinner… “Do we have to have Jack Mackerel patties AGAIN?!? UGH!” I’m guessing it hurt her feelings. Hey…Jack Mackerel would hurt anyone’s feelings……………never again…no Jack Mackerel here….. but, we were pretty poor, so “patios” it was.

Sometimes when you are a child, you do not set out to hurt someone intentionally, and sometimes you do…but most of the time, not your mother. The reality is, I know I am over-weight, I know I drop the ball on dinner sometimes and I know that I sing horrible, just like “Aunt Dawn.”

So, I can do one of two things:

A. I can cry buckets when my kids tell me their friends think I’m fat.


B. I can cry buckets when my kids tell me their friends think I’m fat.


No really.

I had to re-think that when it went down. First off, let me confess… I did not REALLY cry buckets. I tend to over exaggerate. ( I’ll just bet y’all didn’t know that about me huh?) I just got my feelings hurt and felt like I should be bawling my eyeballs out.

Here is what I did do. I decided to “get over it.” After all, kids are honest. You can’t fault them for that. They just don’t always “think” before they open their pie holes. Does that make it OK? Well, not exactly, but I do give them a little slack for being a kid. Because I remember how I was.

My sweet cousin was about 8 when she came to my house for the summer to visit. She is possibly the NICEST person on this earth. I kid you not. If I could only be 1/4 as nice…..  Anyhow, one night mom was making dinner. You guessed it. Jack Mackerel patties. Again. So sweet little cousin pipes up….. “Aunt Toogie?? Do I have to eat patios again??”  Out of the mouth of babes.

I’ll tell you one lesson I did learn. Don’t toss your bacon in the ditch. You won’t get no mo’. Ever.

I wonder how many things I did say that hurt my moms feelings? I bet there were plenty, and I just bet she would never have let on that it did.





Tags: , ,

Categories: children, humor, life


I am Rachel. I have a skewed sense of reality and I like to live through my imagination. Unfortuntely, that has taken me down some rocky roads and I am here to share some snippets of what happens when a girl has a mind of her own.

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2 Comments on “Mom, I’m sorry I dissed your Jack Mackerel patties.”

  1. September 1, 2011 at 5:31 am #

    My Mum and I argued over how to pronounce “garage”. She was Australian and I was then a New Zealander. Different accents. Now I say it both ways, sometimes even in the same sentence.

  2. September 2, 2011 at 12:57 pm #

    You’re not fat, you’re curvy and beautiful!

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