Penicillin: the fast, affordable & quick alternative to Botox.

My head was pounding….throbbing…pulsating. My eyes so sensitive that the slightest glimmer of hope of getting an antibiotic hurt them. I was poor. Un-insured and a single mom. A raging sinus infection was the least of my problems…so it seemed. Until I got the “bright” idea of gathering up my friends and families leftover antibiotics……..

Yay!!! My best friend was coming to visit! “Please…oh please do you have any leftover antibiotics?? “Why yes, as a matter of fact I do!  But…they are expired a little bit…” “Bring em on sister! Bring me drugs!!” And so she did. And I took them. I was half-way there. I just needed a little more. So I called my cousin. “Why yes, as a matter of fact I do!” “Bring em on sister! Bring me drugs!” And so I took those too. I was “beating the system!”  Twasn’t no healthcare authority going to get the best of me.

A couple of days later I was feeling better. My Aunt Cranky so graciously offered to treat me to my favorite little chinese restaurant for lunch. After being able to taste my food for the first time in a week, I was on the up and up and ready to face the rest of the day. But on the way home, I started feeling a knot on the back of my head that I was not overly concerned about. I told her it was sore and we both brushed it off as nothing.

That evening my little ones were in bed, it was approaching midnight and I was preparing for a peaceful endeavor with the Sandman before I had to get up and take them to school the next morning. I noticed that my lips were feeling a little “tingly,” though. “Hmmm, must be something I ate.”  I took a shower. It only got worse. They were starting to feel pretty weird. Itchy now. Tingly and itchy. I looked in the mirror and they were a little swollen. No biggie. I stayed up another hour or so. And I looked again. And they were a little more swollen. I was starting to become concerned. So I emailed my mom…with a picture I had taken. She said… “Oh, don’t worry about it Rachel…it will go away. It’s not that bad. I will pray that you get a good nights sleep, now go on and go to bed.”  And that I did. I slept for a few hours, rather peacefully I might add. I woke up around 6 a.m, and sat up on the side of my bed…but something was obstructing my view. What was this in the way of my line of vision?

I looked down….


Yes, my lips were able to be seen, beyond my nose and without looking in a mirror. But then I looked in the mirror. And I began sobbing profusely.  My entire chin, lips, and cheeks were no less than octupled in size. Yes I said octupled.

It was time to get my kids up for school and I did not know what to do. I called my mom … yes, the same mom who proclaimed not 8 hours prior:  “Rachel,  it is going to be OK!” I told her she lied. She told me to call Aunt Cranky since she was 3 hours away and could not help. Lovely. I had to call Aunt Cranky at 6:30 in the morning. I’m sure she was going to appreciate this….

“Aunt Cranky??? Umm….are you awake??” Yes honey, we just got home from the ER with our grandson being there all night , what is the matter?” Lovely. Just lovely. <Gulp….> “well, I need you to take me to the ER.” Oh, and bring Uncle Bob, I need him to get the kids off to school.”

They arrived, and I opened the door. I asked my uncle who is also a pastor… “Is it bad?” “No’s not that bad….  LET’S PRAY!

I knew he was lying.

I woke my kids up before I left to tell them that I would be gone for an undetermined amount of time. They didn’t hear a word. They only seen my lips. And they screamed.

My poor Aunt Cranky had been up all night. She decided that it would be a nice time to stop at the busiest Quik Trip in downtown Tulsa for a coffee. Aren’t you coming in to get something Rah-kel?” “No! As a matter of fact I am not! ”  So I sat in the parking lot, with my hands over my mouth so as not to frighten the homeless. People were staring, sincerely they were.

We got to the ER, it was not busy at all. <WHEW!> I went to the desk and they just handed me papers and did not ask questions. There was a small child in the waiting room. She did a double-take and ran off. I lie not.

They gave me benedryl which makes me a certifiable whack job and the rest is history.

I learned that I am allergic to penicillin. Or mixing various makes of it…or taking expired ones…or taking expired ones mixed with chinese food.

I do have a picture of myself on that day…but I wish to remain married so I will not make it public. However….if I really like you….shoot me an email and I will send it on over. It’s a me.

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Categories: health, humor, life, Uncategorized


I am Rachel. I have a skewed sense of reality and I like to live through my imagination. Unfortuntely, that has taken me down some rocky roads and I am here to share some snippets of what happens when a girl has a mind of her own.

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10 Comments on “Penicillin: the fast, affordable & quick alternative to Botox.”

  1. June 8, 2011 at 1:56 pm #

    Oh my! You sure know how to spin painful moments into laughs! Love it!

    • June 8, 2011 at 5:23 pm #

      Painful is an understatement 🙂 If you don’t laugh, you’d cry!!

  2. June 8, 2011 at 2:20 pm #

    I also have a picture of this lovely moment! If Rachel won’t send it to you….hit me up! I’m sure I owe her some payback for something……. LOL!

    • June 8, 2011 at 5:23 pm #

      You wouldn’t dare! I’ve been nothing but nice to you …my whole life….

  3. June 8, 2011 at 7:02 pm #

    Oh wow. I admit I felt a little cheated when there wasn’t a photo. I just can’t imagine being able to see my own lips!

    I’m guilty of taking expired and questionable medications myself. I will not be doing that anymore. I hate leaving the house when my allergies act up and my right eye swells up. I guess the left one isn’t allergic or something but I look like Sloth from Goonies. Not really, but that’s how I feel.

    • June 8, 2011 at 7:11 pm #

      Check your email my friend 🙂

      • June 8, 2011 at 7:25 pm #

        Oh. my. goodness. Really, Meg Ryan or Lisa Rinna might be interested in your secret. You could make a fortune!

  4. June 8, 2011 at 7:45 pm #

    See, I wasn’t over-inflating (no pun intended…) my story was I?

    • June 8, 2011 at 8:12 pm #

      Oh. my. goodness. Really, Meg Ryan or Lisa Rinna might be interested in your secret. You could make a fortune!

      You definitely were not exaggerating. You speak the truth.

  5. June 9, 2011 at 11:16 am #

    Good Lord girl! Hilarious…”it’s not that bad…let’s pray!” Bwahahaha

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