Keep your donkey, I’m loving life!


Once, I had a pony for two whole days. And then it went somewhere. And it was not to “Pony Heaven.” That would have been easier. Someone who shall remain nameless took it away and I was crushed. Abandoned by a Shetland pony. Was this to be the first path I crossed over down the road of “abandonment?”

After that, several things came and went in my life. But they were the everyday things that are expected and are acceptable. The natural course of life.

Then I met a man who I *thought* had  single-handedly hung the moon . We were to be married in two weeks. And then he called it off.

After that I got married on the rebound. And instead of two days or two weeks….it was two years. And instead of being abandoned, I was the “abandoner!But wait?!? Was I really? Yes, I had left, packed up and moved when he was at work. I fled, lock, stock & barrel,  and even took the groceries. I had to, I had no choice. I would have been left with nothing.  But the part of me that makes me feel justified was that I told his mother my plans a week before I did it. And she had kept it a secret. Because she “knew.” She knew that really I had already been mentally abandoned by her son. The cycle was continuing, after all, her son was only following in his fathers footsteps and she could identify.

I later re-married a second time. And once again,  I was left. Not by a pony. But this time by a jack-ass. I had been traded in for a “newer” model.

By this point,  in my mind, I had reason to believe that I was un-deserving. That I was un-lovable. That I was in-capable of keeping anything of “value.”

I had quit college. I had moved a zillion times. I had started projects and did not finish them. I had become mentally “defeated.”

But then one summer I decided that I was done playing the role of “victim.” I could either wallow in self-pity, be a miserable, “un-lovable, un-deserving” poor sap or I could make a decision to love life. Also, there were a couple of motivating factors. My two girls.  They were just babies. And they needed me. Because they too, had been “abandoned.”

So I stepped up the best that I knew how. I was the single mom and I went into survival mode. I did not date…for 4 years.  I quit “quitting.” I focused on ME making ME happy. Not anyone else. Not a pony, and certainly not a “jack-ass.” 

After 35 years, I was finally OK. And I knew that NO matter what was to come, I would always be OK. I had learned a valuable lesson. No one , no thing, no lifestyle …NOTHING can or will determine your destiny, your future,  or your happiness in life except for you.

I later met and married again when I was not actively seeking happiness. It was natural, un-forced and no four-legged animal was involved. I still have my identity. I still carry over some “residual” abandonment issues, but they are less and less.  I knew if I never learned to trust again, that it would never get better.

With age comes wisdom. With loyalty comes trust. With life comes jack-asses.

I heard my neighbors are trying to get rid of their donkey. For a second I wanted to take it. Because it is cute. But now I have decided they can keep it. After all, who needs the head-ache?

 

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Tags: , , , , , ,

Categories: life, marriage, people, relationships

Author:onemom4rugrats

I am Rachel. I have a skewed sense of reality and I like to live through my imagination. Unfortuntely, that has taken me down some rocky roads and I am here to share some snippets of what happens when a girl has a mind of her own.

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5 Comments on “Keep your donkey, I’m loving life!”

  1. April 11, 2011 at 2:14 pm #

    Wow. Him mom didn’t say anything, huh? It must’ve been a pretty obvious decision! Glad you’ve found the right man for you, which can only happen when you know who “you” is (or are? Whatever, you know what I’m sayin). Love that cartoon at the end!

    • April 11, 2011 at 8:30 pm #

      NOTHING! I could not believe it. I think she was hoping I was going to change my mind. But her silence spoke volumes.

  2. April 11, 2011 at 7:00 pm #

    {{{{Rachel}}} It is a relief to get the donkey off your back, though, isn’t it?

  3. April 12, 2011 at 4:32 am #

    I can identify with your abandonment issues, but in my case it was my parents, not a donkey.

    I also identify with finding love when you are not looking for it – happened to me too.

    So life has its ups and downs, but we come through it stronger and more worldly in the end.

    Three Cheers for Rachel!

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