Creepy-deepy, sneaky-snakes~ have you no shame?


 

The other day I was minding my own business, innocently taking a shower when I about had a coronary, more like a conniption fit actually. Big Injun Man came into the bathroom and yelled out “RAWR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” I did a little jig and screamed bloody murder. I would say he “scared the pants” off of me but I was already one step ahead of him.  I have not seen him laugh that hard for a while. And he kept on laughing, and minutes later he was still laughing. He even doubled over the sink in hysterics.

I must have a neon, glowing sign hanging over my head that reads … ” Please scare me, you’ll get a good reaction!”  For some reason, my entire life, those who claim they love and care about me the most get a kick out of doing this to me! And it is ongoing. I really thought once I reached the state of adulthood that this nonsense would cease.

My mom and my sister are the ones that set in motion this sick and twisted form of entertainment. From a very young age, they began harassing me on a weekly basis. I grew up in a two-story log home and as soon as you got to the top step, my bedroom was immediately there to the right. 

I have always been a “dreamer,” and I have always lived in an imaginary world where everything is fairy-tale like. (<—this is not a good trait to have by the way.) So, knowing this, my mom liked to catch me in this state of mind which was not hard to do. Usually she would be downstairs below me in the kitchen and she could hear me singing into my hairbrush microphone or talking to my “imaginary” friends… she would then take the opportunity to “slink” up the stairs very S-L-O-W-L-Y…… not unlike that of a slithering snake. She would then just lay there, with only her eyeballs peeking around the wall….glaring into my room. I do not know how long she would be there, but at times I am sure she lay there at length, just lurking and waiting for the “grand finale.” Most of the time I would be doing my thing and I would start to “feel” something. I would get a little creeped out, go on about my business and get the feeling again. I might piddle around some more and start to have anxiety. Soon the “presence” could no longer be denied and I would spot her. Or at least her beady eyes, glaring from around the corner at which point I would have a WALL-EYED, SCREAMING MALFUNCTION. It always starts with a little dance, followed by a shriek, ending with me either being on the floor or hurting myself.  And never once do these “people” care if I’ve bludgeoned myself or have had a small stroke… all they can do is LAUGH. Uncontrollably.

Another little example of their devious, self-gratification happened on a delightful day in the spring.  I must have been around a sophomore because my sister who is 3 years older than I was at home and out of school. If I did not want to ride the bus for 1 1/2 hours I would tell the bus driver to let me off at the highway and I would walk a mile or so home. On these walks, as usual, I would mostly daydream. While I enjoyed getting off the bus early and living in my fantasy world, I was always hesitant to make the trek because along the way there was a dog. A gigantic black with brown markings, horse of a dog. If I recall, it was a Doberman. Even creepier, the *things* name was Jason. EWE. Yuck.  If Jason seen me walking and his owner was not outside, it would charge towards me but lucky for me it lived down a very long lane with a cattle guard. It never ended up getting past the guard but it still scared the liver out of me.

So, as I approach the dwellings of “Jason” I stop my singing as to not alert him.  I do not see him. <WHEW.> I can relax.  Shortly thereafter lies “Rock Creek Baptist Church.” It is a small church in the country that we formerly attended and it looks like something off of “Little House on the Prairie.”  It is a safe place. I know once I reach there that I am home free because the Lord resides within. I am within 1/2 mile of my house and out of the reaches of  the canine from hades.

As I am walking by the church, I am listening to the birds chirp, the soft blow of the spring air and I admire the wild-flowers in bloom. I am dreaming of the time where I will be going to the creek and swimming and the days of summer that lies ahead.

Suddenly I hear a faint noise coming from behind the church. “It must be the wind blowing,” I think to myself and pick up my pace slightly. And so I carry on. Again, I hear a noise. This time a little louder. “Oh, maybe there is a raccoon behind the church.”   Again, I increase my speed.  Except by now,  the “raccoon” starts pounding… pounding.. pounding.. on the walls. I take off, full-tilt boogie. No looking back, no stopping to see what it was. I had went from casual to maniacal in 2.5 seconds. 

I made it home in record time that day. With racing heart, I go to tell my mom and sister that demonic forces had taken over the Rock Creek Baptist Church but they are nowhere to be found.  “How odd, the red Dodge Ustom Cab truck is still here.” ( note: The truck was dubbed “Ustom Cab” when the letter “C” had fallen off the word “Custom” years before.” )

Moments later, they burst into the door. They are laughing hysterically, hootin’ and a hollerin’, out of breath and pointing at me. I figure out quickly, that once again, I was had been their play toy in their sordid little game of “Let’s petrify Rachel.”

Funny, funny stuff. If you are not the victim. It seems like the more I flip out on these people, the more they love to torment me. Is it their demented way of getting their kicks, or is it that they just love me and the fact that I am a dreamer? I choose the latter but it’s probably a mixture of both.

Go ahead people, have your fun with me. I can take it. If I am good for a laugh then I have fulfilled my destiny in life. Take your best shot. Just be careful though, because I am getting older and I am not as agile as I once were.

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Categories: funny, humor

Author:onemom4rugrats

I am Rachel. I have a skewed sense of reality and I like to live through my imagination. Unfortuntely, that has taken me down some rocky roads and I am here to share some snippets of what happens when a girl has a mind of her own.

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4 Comments on “Creepy-deepy, sneaky-snakes~ have you no shame?”

  1. Gina Johnson
    March 4, 2011 at 2:03 am #

    So love reading your stories girl…lets me daydream for a few myself….You have a true talent for writing…again I enjoyed it alot…Gina

  2. March 4, 2011 at 8:36 am #

    Thanks girl, appreciate it more than you know and also appreciate your comments since I am trying to build my blog. Thanks for reading!!

  3. lifewith4cats
    March 10, 2011 at 10:57 am #

    I am a daydreamer also, I can totaly relate. But I strongly beleive that to scare a loved one on purpose is mean and unkind. I don’t call it love.

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    […] victory on my 39th birthday. ( Oh, btw, this reminds me of another hilarious story… Creepy-Deepy Sneaky Snakes, Have You No Shame? I ended the day with 1,514 hits on my blog. To a blogger, this is huge, especially when you average […]

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