In the mornin’ when I rise…you bring a tear & soreness to my thighs…

Oh tell me … everything’s…gonna be alright.

I did it! I went to Zumba last night. First time ever.  I have to tell you, had I not been sporting my very chic yoga pants and T-shirt that proclaimed “Exhale” from Sams Club for $15.88 a set, I most likely would not have overcome. In fact, I am going back and getting the other two sets in additional colors before they sell out. Whatever it takes to motivate me, I shall do.

Do you know how hard it was for me to walk into that gym into the masses and do this? Several people in my community have been asking me to go. I have made exactly 147, 623 excuses as to why I could not venture down Latino lane.

For those of you that do not know what Zumba is, it is a Latin inspired dance/aerobic workout. The main word being “dance” and the main reason that I did not want to go. If I had to size up my dancing technique, it would fit somewhere into the category of “Elaine” from Seinfeld. (please take 29 seconds of your life to watch the video below, it’s great for a laugh!)

 For obvious reasons, and the fact that I see at least 10 people I know right off the bat, I decide the best place to plant myself is on the back row. For anyone who knows me, I am not a “back row” type of person. I am an extrovert to the highest level but on this night, I decide I will “hide” and if I want to sneak out after the first jiggle or so, I will be able to, unbeknownst to anyone.

There were two problems right off the bat. The back row was designated for children so if they wanted to participate they could, but not be in the way. Perfect! I should fit right in. The other problemo was that the only spot left was smack dab right in front of an elderly man who was sitting on the bleachers. Therefore my donkey was going to be right in front of his face. Lovely.

So, here I am, on the back row, dancing with children and hoping that I did not stand out. The music started and I began to follow along. In a room full of well over 100 women and exactly one man…the fun had begun.  As I am attempting to follow along, I start sizing up those around me. Do they have rhythm… are they coordinated and are they sporting the Sam’s Club special outfit? Why no! What a relief! Maybe I can do this!

So halfway through the first song, I begin to gain confidence. I do not know the steps nor will I ever, but I pretend. At least I am moving right? The song ends and I am feeling a little out of breath but I had succeeded at making it all the way through. I notice the second song starts about 5 seconds later. Oh goody. I got to catch my breath.  As we are shakin’ it, kicking, punching and shimmyin’ along we start to turn. Suddenly I realize… the back row is now the front row! WHAT!?!?  I am now on display, but not only am I on display…I cannot see the instructor so I do not know what to do! HELP! I look to the man who was previously viewing my backside and he looks repulsed. Good, at least I do not have to worry about him stalking me later….

We swing back around and do a few more “jack-hammer” inspired moves and the song ends. I am sweating. Profusely. I am short of breath and my child turns to me and asks me If I need help. She had fear and concern on her face. I told her to “shush” and leave “momma” alone. I was going to be OK.

Third dance in… it seems a little easier. I decide I might make it after all but I am wishing I could see a clock somewhere because the session is for one hour and I do not know how much more I can endure. The elderly man leaves and my children move away from me a few rows up. I cannot imagine why.  As I am flitting along I notice that everyone else is going one direction and myself another. No problem, I switch back into position and go with the flow. About that time a lady who no doubt,  had to have once played the part of  “Little Orphan Annie”  came crashing into me. I was in good company. She had made her way to the back row as well and together “Annie” and I fumbled through the remainder of the 8 or so more songs.

With buckets of sweat and the need for an inhaler, I had finished. I made it all the way through and I was pretty stinkin’ proud. I did not learn the steps, I did not stay in sync and I did not look even remotely graceful. I never will. I know this, because I know me. But I had my heart rate up for an hour and I burned some calories.   I will go on the back row again but at least I will be there. If in a few months from now I feel more comfortable I will make my way up towards the front but for now I am just happy to have overcome stepping through those glass doors. I was inspired by small children on up to ladies in their 70’s. I watched women who were at least twice the size of me (and I am large and in charge!)  I want to encourage ladies of all shapes, sizes and mentalities…if I can do it, anyone can!

Tags: , ,

Categories: dance, exercise, funny


I am Rachel. I have a skewed sense of reality and I like to live through my imagination. Unfortuntely, that has taken me down some rocky roads and I am here to share some snippets of what happens when a girl has a mind of her own.

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