I look FABULOUS in a swimsuit!

This morning my confidence level is at an all-time high. I wasn’t sure why but I woke up ready to face the day with a new vigor. At first I thought maybe it was because the most darling man who resides on this earth that resembles a giant Injun bought me my second pair of jeans in one week. Jeans that come up high enough to disguise the top o’ the muffin…..

So after a jolt of Columbian  java I finally remembered it. The dream I had last night.  I was on my way to my family reunion which evidentially took place on the roof of a skyscraper in New York City and while climbing stairwell after stairwell, I reached a landing where I see one of my best friends from college whom I haven’t seen in 20 years. 

Elation over seeing her trumped my confusion as to why she was at my family reunion and I began a very, very happy dance. I mean I am full-on, straight-up doing a jig! Anyone who knows me at all knows how well I dance anyway right?

As long as we are talking about how well I dance, let’s talk about how I look like in a swimsuit. Because that is what I was wearing…in the stairwell..on the way to my family reunion..that was taking place on a rooftop in NYC. That is correct, a small article of clothing that is normally meant to be shoved to the depths of my dresser drawers, only to be taken out when I am tanning, on my property in the country and my lounge chair is placed strategically behind a huge boulder that resides at the foot of the hill down by the creek…and no one is home and not expected home for the next 6 hours.

So I realize that as I am dancing in this floral spandex it appears I am quite comfortable in doing so. I “see myself” in one of those “dream mirrors” and I actually gasp! I look FABULOUS in a swimsuit! No wonder I am dancing! No wonder my friend who was always way skinner than me was standing there gawking at me in pure, unadulterated, utter dis-belief!

I am dancing without inhibitions, my legs are moving like , well, kind of like when I have restless leg syndrome..every other single night of my life. Wait, they really ARE moving. I am kicking around as usual and as quickly as I had lost 100 pounds in my dreams I am awakened, robust and without rhythm.

The very last thing I said to Big Injun Man before I drifted off was “Thank you for the jeans.” I think that started the whole charade. It’s OK, I enjoyed “seeing” myself in my “dream mirror” but for just a brief moment. I guess I could lose weight, but rest assured… I will NEVER be able to dance. Ever. This sista’ is lacking *that* kind of soul. 🙂


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Categories: humor, Uncategorized


I am Rachel. I have a skewed sense of reality and I like to live through my imagination. Unfortuntely, that has taken me down some rocky roads and I am here to share some snippets of what happens when a girl has a mind of her own.

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5 Comments on “I look FABULOUS in a swimsuit!”

  1. Christi Stavely
    February 8, 2011 at 4:56 pm #

    OH Rachel, you slay me!!! This is the funniest thing I’ve read in quite a while! (I love it when I’m thin in dreams)

  2. Tammy
    February 8, 2011 at 5:21 pm #

    ROFL! Love it! I’d also love to swipe the picture at the top. lol!

  3. Gina Johnson
    February 8, 2011 at 6:56 pm #

    This is the second one of your blog post that I’ve actually read…or should I say had time to read…..You Miss Lady are hilarious…..I think you have a gift with putting thoughts and words on paper or a blog…LOL….anyway what i’m sayin is….you are very articulate, and draw me in everytime I read your blogs..Very talented my friend….thanks for sharin…I needed a great laugh!!!!!

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