THIS JUST IN: Mom of 4 retires @ the age of 38.

Ahhh, aren’t they cute??…………………………

That’s good, I’m so glad you like them, because I’m retiring as mom. That’s right, you heard it here first. RE-TIRE (ing.) Albeit to Goodwill for 2 hours while they are at school, I am so going for it.

Nauseous I am because I got a text this a.m. from my husbands phone that reads…and I quote… “Shut the garage door NOW, go out the back door, there are too many Dingo bombs….” So… when I read the text I got literally sick to my stomach. Someone was getting ready to come through my garage and mass murder myself and the remaining three kids that had not left for school yet. And then it dawned on me… “Dingo bombs  was not a weapon of mass destruction. Our dog <ahem…> named Dingo…. got to sleep in the garage last night because it is too cold outside and she took it upon herself to “make” on the garage floor. Evidentially several times. The text went on to read … “Sum 1 will step in it, it’s hard to see it all.”   Whew. So, the longer I looked at the text I determined that my husband had my daughter text it from his phone because he would never type out “sum 1.” or type out “NOW” in all caps.  So now it is an hour and a half later and we are all still alive but I’m still nauseated.   :/

So, I get the remaining kids rounded up and ready for school, and as they are getting ready I notice they are especially jovial on this morn. Solo brother and the littlest imp of them all decide instead of getting dressed that it would be more fun to manipulate their tonsils in a fashion that allows them to talk in a muffled voice. This is one of their favorite pastimes you see. Admittedly, it is kind of fun, it sounds like you have a wicked case of strep. In the meantime.. I hear a loud “THUD” and middle daughter has flung herself into the wall somehow and stumped her toe. She then proceeds to blame it on her fake streptococcal sister who was not even in the vicinity. now it is time to go, she claims she can’t put her shoe on and what potion can I conjure up real quick-like to offset the pain.  “Time heals all wounds sweetheart” I tell her in a loving voice…. Not really… it went more like this:  “Ummmmmmmmmmmm…NOTHING!! Put your stinkin’ shoe on!” 

 In the midst of the chaos a major newsflash comes across the screen on the “Today Show.”  “Justin Bieber has JUST been released from the hospital for a mild allergic reaction.” OH. MY. SOUL. 

Stand back if you will and witness my living room scenario happening ALL at once.


Solo brother=  non-stop fake streptococcal tonsil talk

Middle sister= “MOM, but my TOE! I can’t put my shoe on!”

Tiniest imp of them all screaming to the top of her lungs   “OH NO! JUSTIN BIEBER, what are we going to do??”

I tell you what we are going to do………………………….

To the top of my lungs ( in hindsight I should have used my streptococcal tonsil voice as well, it would have put less strain on my voice…) I yell…


“EVERYONE SHUT UP! NOW!!!!!!!!!!!”

So after we went out the back door as to avoid the “bombs”  in the garage and got in the car we rode in silence…all the way to school at which point I discovered the tiniest imp was wearing the same jeans as yesterday……………..

I cannot wait to pick them up from school. I agreed to let two of them have friends over. Yay. And furthermore… Monday is a MLK day. A holiday out of school. What SICKO thought that right after Christmas break we would want another day off school…………..I tell you who… SOMEONE WITH NO KIDS! 🙂

So, I shall take my few hours today to retire from the likes of four kids whom occasionally I need a break from but otherwise would not trade for anything. My life is good. My kids are happy. Sometimes they make me nuts but mostly they make me laugh. It’s funny now in my solitude.

Footnote:  I would hope that my husband would actually CALL me if he knew I was getting ready to be murdered.

UPDATE: NEW TEXT just IN from my husband…

Bring me my wire, panel, and orange extension cord n garage, don’t drag thru doo doo please.”

Maybe it WAS him who sent the original text.

Tags: , ,

Categories: children, parenting


I am Rachel. I have a skewed sense of reality and I like to live through my imagination. Unfortuntely, that has taken me down some rocky roads and I am here to share some snippets of what happens when a girl has a mind of her own.

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